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i just qot my dick in my hand_!@#*'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
i just qot my dick in my hand_!@#*

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wee [27 May 2003|09:57pm]
[ mood | blah ]

emily came over to my house today :)
she played with my cats more then me :(
i kissed her bunches..and i got to hold her so0o close to me,i loved it so much,she means everything to me.
and i will get to see her this weekend,she's going to another rave with me to go see ak1200!! yes!!!! and then she's staying the night with me..i cant wait. im back in a good mood again,i have been depressed latley so today brought me up alot. byesss

2 faygo bottles smacked my bitch ass

ugh [23 May 2003|12:41am]
[ mood | confused ]

well emmy wont be staying the night with me......we have to take things slower,cause we are getting more comfortable with things..umm..yeah,i will still see her tomarrow,and if not im taking her to the river still..<3 i love you emmy...bye people

1 faygo bottle smacked my bitch ass

[21 May 2003|05:57pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

yay!! emily and i are going out camping this weekend with my friends cause its andy's birthday..so yeah,her and i will have our own big ass 2 bedroom tent,hell yea..we are going to have so much fun! i cant wait. im taking her to the movies on friday to,then shes coming out to my place..then off we go..going camping and getting drunk together..shes so beautiful..i love that girl,shes my pride and joy..and i never want to lose her again. i love you emily!!!!
god i love her, shes the best fucking thing that has ever happend to me...
shes going to a grautation tonight with some of her friends
and prolly with that kyle guy to..but you know what? i dont care..i hope she has a great time. she has my full blown out trust..byee everybody

smacked my bitch ass

i love emily!!!!!!!! [18 May 2003|05:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

oh my fucking god!!!
i had a fun fucking time last night...i went to a rave with emily<3,
my friend james,and andy.....i loved it so0oo much..i was with emmy the whole entire night,and it was the greatest time i have had in a long time!!! i gave emzy a massage for a while,and later on during the end..i made out with her..and it was very soothing,it was..perfect!! i loved that kiss!!!
she made my penis get happy,so i had to cover it with a record i got..lmao it was cool. then we left, got in the car,and she layed on me like the whole time home..i love that girl sooooooooooo fucking much...ill post here in a little bit..byez for now<33333333333333333333333333333333333333,thats just to make a long story short.

smacked my bitch ass

...... [15 May 2003|03:16pm]
[ mood | worried ]

instead of drawing a heart around my name,
draw a cirle so it never breaks.

!im hurting!
i woke up really shitty having a bad anxiety attack.
i just got done trowing up all kinds..and still am.
does it matter? "no", it doesnt.does it matter that i am in pain,and cant get rid of it? NO!! this pain is burning a hole in my chest,how can i make it stop,how can i make the pain go away?? i just want emily back.i want to patch up what was lost in her heart,and bring out the love so that it may blossum once again...god!! pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee!im begging you.

5 faygo bottles smacked my bitch ass

fuck-n-a [15 May 2003|02:21pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

you know how hard it is to not call or write emmy?
it is fucking hard!!! im going on day 2 right now,and is killing me,im just waiting..waiting for emmy to give me the thumbs up if i get them..alot of people look down on me cause the way i was,"how i treated emily"i didnt even realize it till all this happend..thats why im trying to get another chance,so i can show everybody,and myself..that i am a good person,and can take good care of my baby the way i should..she deserves the world ,and i want to give it to her.
i want her love back so bad!! i hope she can let me into her heart once again,i promise i wont niglect her ever..i want to include her in everything..i want want to be there for her when ever she gets sick or sad,ill be her pillow.ill be her pill,i will be a good boyfriend..please emily,i know i have had a million,but all's i ask is for one very last chance.
please!!! i never thought that i would ever beg this much,
but you are sooooo worth it...bye for now

smacked my bitch ass

oh god..... [15 May 2003|01:13pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i was having the worst dreams right now...i woke up having an anxiety attack! this shit hurts..omg...i was dreaming that emily did not come back to me and went to kyle,or even sombody else,kyle JUST TURNED 16!!..em's about to turn 18...so i get mad right cause she has time for him,to go see him,to have sex with him..and go out with him right?but she doesnt have the time for me,so its unfair. so i get mental
goto the school..find kyle,and have people beat him up while im talking to him..you know cause im 19 and all,so i cant beat him up,but these people im with dont care,nobody knows them..thats one part of the dream,the other is:
i castrate him,throw his dick in the middle of the road.
another one:so i goto to her school kill kyle and,and then shoot myself right infront of emmy.

and one more..i went to her house,he was in there,in my babys room humping her...i bust down the fucking door,go to her room,kick that bitch open..and start shooting him with my 38.
and then i kill my self infront of her...

fucked up dreams huh?

i miss her,i love her,she's my soulmate,...and i wont get over her,i dont want to..i want her back,no questions asked.
she is the love of my life...

smacked my bitch ass

hey guys [14 May 2003|08:58pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

i want to make emily feel so beautiful,because she is..so isthe most beautiful person i have ever seen in my life...and i dont want to give up on her,she means to much to me..

smacked my bitch ass

hello [12 May 2003|05:26pm]
well i went to the caves the other day,it was cool..i wanted to bring emmzy but she didnt pick her phone up. i made her mad today cause i keep on calling her. i cant help it. i love her.
i hope i can still bring her to that rave coming up.it would be the shit..sorry emily for all that i have done. i miss you so much. <3chris
smacked my bitch ass

well.. [09 May 2003|02:24am]
[ mood | depressed ]

its day 8 without emily...and it is a living hell...i love her sooooo much you can't even believe!!!!!!
i want her to goto a collage party with me tonight(friday)
so she can watch me spin,and so i can just see her...and i am taking her to a rave this next weekend which i am very happy about..soo happy :) i hope she will come with me!!
i got a job at a pizza place down the street,yay!
emily is happy for me..she called me "baby"on accident..lol
i loved it..i loved hearing her say that.well i hope that she wants to go tonight..ill kill anybody who hits on her,or trys to make out with her if she goes..cause i still love the shit out of her,i just couldnt stand it..you guys understand..i dont want some drunk fucks on my woman-ex woman,whatever..shes still mine!!!! she'll always be MY baby,my beautiful butterfly!! till the day that i die.
thats just how i feel..i havent lost anything for her,like love..or any feelings like that..i still love her the same as i always have, and i always will..
talk to you all later,...chris

smacked my bitch ass

i i hate life... [08 May 2003|03:13pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

i went to emmyz yesterday,god now im even more depressed then i was before..i hitch-hiked like 20 miles just to get there!!!
i love that girl!!! i want her back.she keeps saying somthing
about being friends right now,(she knows how i feel about that.but its the only way i can be apart of her life for the momment.i got to hold her the way i usualy do,i got to kiss her,on her neck and on her sweet lips...that momment i want to last forever..i cant stand the fact of not being with her..
well i want her to finish school right now,so im not in the way..and then i want to show her what i am capible of.
i love you emily hailer..<3chris

smacked my bitch ass

emily [06 May 2003|11:44pm]
my mom called because i talked my parents into going camping this weekend,and the only reason i talked them into it is because i cant stop talking about you!!! this is a hell of alot better then staying at sombodys house,alot better..my parents really want you to go,i want you to go.im leaving you alone..
byeeeeee!
1 faygo bottle smacked my bitch ass

emmy [06 May 2003|09:08pm]
ok i have this planed..ok im going to rocky point this next month,and im going to go get a job tomarrow..ill have money for this trip..i am bringing emmzy,her and i are getting a hotel while my parents are camping on the beach..we just got done talking about this......and while we were talking i could only think of one thing....me and emmy having a baby,and watching him/her standing on the beach for the first time looking out into the ocean,that means alot to me..i want that to happen, i want to see the expression on our childs face when he/she steps their first step into that sand and looks out far ..and see's nothing but water for miles and miles ..that would be the happiest day of my life....im thinking really stright for once right now...you know what? i am in love!!!
smacked my bitch ass

god.... [06 May 2003|05:22pm]
well i have been thinking alot of emily as usual,i was just taking a shower and i was doing somthing you prolly dont want to know about...and it wasnt jacking off,or fingering my ass.
it has somthing to do with my baby,(dont ask)
i mean she wasnt here or anything,it was just somthing you all would say is stupid,idiotic,but to me it meant somthing.
"it's somthing em used to do"thats the only hint...confused yet? well thats all for now.its 5:27pm right now..and i havent eatin all day..or yesterday..i need to..ok bye..
((((((emily))))))
smacked my bitch ass

[05 May 2003|06:42pm]
i miss you emily...i havent been thinking about sex at all, i havent even looked down at my dick at all..i dont want anybody else..im never going to look for anyone else.i just want my baby,and you only..i want for our lips to reunite once again, im sorry for our past,im truly sorry.i will do ANYTHING!! anything you say,i am willing to do ANYTHING!!!!
please dont look for anybody else..please :::on hands and knees:::
i cant even watch tv because everytime i put it on(couples kissing)being together..holding hands, it kills me...omg baby i want you back,i want yuoooooooooooooooooo..
smacked my bitch ass

god!! [05 May 2003|04:58pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i am so desperate right now,i will do anything to ger her back.this shit is killing me.i need to eat cause i havent been eating for almost a week....barely anything! oh god,i would just to be in her arms again.i will be the boyfriend that i am suposed to be,but am i going to get another chance? NO!!,i had to many.alls i need now is one more to prove myself,if i fucked that up,i would know it,and we would end it mutualy,intstead of one person being on the shit end of the deal..it makes sense.
i really need this.
what her and i need to do is sit down and talk,talk about eachothers feelings,and how we want to deal with things,(communication.isnt that what a relationship consists of?

i think if we can at least do that,it would be great.
when we goto the movies this week we'll talk.but what i really want right now is to enjoy her company you know?
i really want to see her...we never talked in person,so i know we need this,phone shit isnt going to cut it,or the internet,all this ignoring,i cant take it..so im going to see her,i have been plotting out to give her a surprize visit,but i dont how she would feel about that..it would only be for like a minute...we'll see.

o0o i switched my cell phone sticker to a butterfly.
it looks cool.
ok well peace out see you when you guys all die

smacked my bitch ass

sickness [05 May 2003|01:27pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

im going to kill myself,i have nothing anymore..i have no life
.everytime my hopes are up high i get slaped down,and this has been happening for the past 3 years.all i want is my girlfriend back,she guides me through everything.she gives me advice.now i feel like her,cutting myself,hoping that i go deeper then i do...my arms are fucked up. my neck is fucked up..i cant stop the pain..i just want my companion back,my lover,my everything.
i swear the next time i hear "no" my stupid ass is hanging myself from a tree out in my yard,and i will do it!!!
there is no doubting me,i am dead serious...bye

1 faygo bottle smacked my bitch ass

hmm.. [05 May 2003|02:12am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

well emmy ignores me,doesnt talk to me that much...doesnt say i love you.she's trying to forget about me..and i just want her back...,she said i can take her to the movies this week..
like on wed.i hope she falls through,cause i know how she is...so im happy about that ^_^ i promised that i wouldnt pull any fast ones on her though,soo i have to be good.i said that i wouldnt call her or write her because i want her to know i have respect for her wishes.now respecting that she doesnt want me is a whole different story,i am going to send her flowers here this week,so i hope that gets me some bonus points,and being good at the movies to. i miss her you guyz,she means everything to me.and i dont want to give up on this..this means alot to me,she means alot to me.
im going to put all my heart and soul into this.
it seems alot easyer on her part for some reason,im on the shitty end of this--i always wanted it to be mutual--but its not,thats why i asked for another chance,to really prove myself this time.i learned so many valuable lessons,i know that i can make her happy,i really can,and i know she sees me trying already,,letting her know that i love her,showing her some things that i never have before-it's just a glimps of what im going to show her,there is way more..i made a mistake by not showing her my all,and what i am fully capible of.
if i got this chance i would'nt fuck it up..there is no way in hell.
thats all for now,bid me good luck. byez :P

smacked my bitch ass

[04 May 2003|04:54pm]
well i went to a rave last night,but i couldnt do it....
i could'nt..i couldnt stop thinking of her..i love her so much,i dont even want to goto another rave,i sa all these couples together,i always looked sad walking around so people would ask whats wrong,,and i explained it to them.and i just got advice from everyone...like i went there with my long sleave icp shirt emmy got me,and under it was a shirt that i wrote on with a perminent marker...on the front it says
"i love emily hailer"and the back says"so no bitches talk to me"..it made me feel good..i was thinking about her so much,i cant do this,i want to be with her...i feel so emty..well thats not my whole night so ill talk to you later...i want to call em..bye
smacked my bitch ass

[03 May 2003|03:14pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

well i decided i want to leave emily alone,this is the hardest thing i have ever done(i never realized what i had until it wasnt there)and now i am more depressed then i have ever been,i talked to my grandparents while they were at the hospital,and my grandpa told me not to give up,he said"if you love her and she means everyting to you,you will find away to get her back and make her happy". like i explained everything that i have done wrong,and what i have done right...and he told me to get a job,which i will.im doing that this next week.my grandma gave me some advice,she said that she went throught this many times,but in her case she got left for other women,(thats fucked up)and sad.heres my grandpa talking:
"chris,do want to spend the rest of your life with her?"
yes.."then why don't you ask her to merry you?"cause i don't think this is the right time.i want to get her back and show her that i can do these things for her and make sure she never gets miserable again,because she's sad.im sad."you just give her time,stop bothering her,and she might come around,if she cares about you the way you care about her,then you do what is asked of you". ok grandpa,thanx for the advice you take care of yourself.."you to chris"

i love my grandpa,,he has a nice way of looking at things..he's dying right now though,i will miss him so much when he goes. im giving her her space,i dont want to push her further then i already have,i need to be responsible about this,and give it time.time is the virtue..
i am rambling so ill go..i have to stop doing this,im hurting myself for the first time ever..emmmy has her scares,and i have my newly fresh cut wrist.i never felt this bad,and i want to make things better..she says if we got back togather we would be miserable..i dont think so i think that if we got together,it would be much better...i have had 4 days to think of all this,and i have to say that i needed this time to think in a way.i thought of alot of ways i could make things better,and beleive me i have,thats going to be another post though.my parents are going to do some weird magic stuff,and give me better luck with this..they are weird..but right now i am desperate for any luck.and i hope eveyone here can help me out in this to,because all of you matter,and if you need luck or sombody to talk to i would be there,just like i would be for emmy. please give me luck eveybody,anybody. bye for now

smacked my bitch ass

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