well i decided i want to leave emily alone,this is the hardest thing i have ever done(i never realized what i had until it wasnt there)and now i am more depressed then i have ever been,i talked to my grandparents while they were at the hospital,and my grandpa told me not to give up,he said"if you love her and she means everyting to you,you will find away to get her back and make her happy". like i explained everything that i have done wrong,and what i have done right...and he told me to get a job,which i will.im doing that this next week.my grandma gave me some advice,she said that she went throught this many times,but in her case she got left for other women,(thats fucked up)and sad.heres my grandpa talking:
"chris,do want to spend the rest of your life with her?"
yes.."then why don't you ask her to merry you?"cause i don't think this is the right time.i want to get her back and show her that i can do these things for her and make sure she never gets miserable again,because she's sad.im sad."you just give her time,stop bothering her,and she might come around,if she cares about you the way you care about her,then you do what is asked of you". ok grandpa,thanx for the advice you take care of yourself.."you to chris"
i love my grandpa,,he has a nice way of looking at things..he's dying right now though,i will miss him so much when he goes. im giving her her space,i dont want to push her further then i already have,i need to be responsible about this,and give it time.time is the virtue..
i am rambling so ill go..i have to stop doing this,im hurting myself for the first time ever..emmmy has her scares,and i have my newly fresh cut wrist.i never felt this bad,and i want to make things better..she says if we got back togather we would be miserable..i dont think so i think that if we got together,it would be much better...i have had 4 days to think of all this,and i have to say that i needed this time to think in a way.i thought of alot of ways i could make things better,and beleive me i have,thats going to be another post though.my parents are going to do some weird magic stuff,and give me better luck with this..they are weird..but right now i am desperate for any luck.and i hope eveyone here can help me out in this to,because all of you matter,and if you need luck or sombody to talk to i would be there,just like i would be for emmy. please give me luck eveybody,anybody. bye for now